Living AuDHD: The Strengths, the Chaos, and the Reality of Being Diagnosed Late in Life
Featured Image by Andrea Piacquadio (Pexels)
I didn’t grow up knowing I was AuDHD. I grew up thinking I was different. I knew about autism, and I knew about ADHD, but I couldn’t fully align with one or the other. Being diagnosed in my forties finally gave me language for a lifetime of confusion. It explained everything and nothing at the same time.
By the time I learned about AuDHD, I was already deep in burnout. Years of masking in professional environments had caught up with me. I had become so good at hiding my needs that I convinced myself I didn’t have any. Sick days and PTO became recovery days. I was no stranger to staycations in bed. I thought this was “normal work exhaustion,” until no amount of rest brought me back.
When information about autism and ADHD overlap began circulating, something clicked. The more I learned, the more I recognized myself.
What AuDHD Actually Is (and Why So Many of Us Were Missed)
AuDHD isn’t new. Until 2013, clinicians were not allowed to diagnose autism and ADHD together. Autism was literally an exclusion criterion for ADHD. That meant an entire generation of adults, especially women and AFAB people, slipped through the cracks.
Now that dual diagnosis is allowed, the numbers are startling:
30–80% of autistic people meet criteria for ADHD
20–50% of people with ADHD show autistic traits
As a result of this realization, I feel like more than a statistic. Now, I’m a person with a renewed sense of self.
AuDHD Symptoms From the Inside
People love to describe autism and ADHD as opposites, which makes AuDHD sound impossible. But living it feels like a lifelong tug‑of‑war: craving routine but getting bored of it, wanting novelty but panicking when things change. I’ve been asking myself these questions since childhood:
“How come I’m both this and that? Don’t they contradict each other?”
One of the most difficult things I experience, is often what leads to burnout:
Social confusion & masking
Throughout my life, I experienced the oscillation between hyperactive and withdrawn states. That push‑pull is classic AuDHD. I also believed I couldn’t be neurodivergent because I was so good at managing it. I “fixed” my impulsivity and forgetfulness with my love of routine, lists, planners, and outlines. But the burnout and the “disappointing” skill regression, eventually exposed the truth.
I’ve had many conversations with people who felt frustration with their “ADHD” partner or child, insisting it is their lack of ability to remember, plan, show initiative, etc was foreign to them as a born planner. I’ve had the same frustration with myself. But the ability to plan doesn’t erase neurodivergence. Which points to the fact that we still have a lot still to learn. Mostly about the strengths that exist within an AuDHDer and not just the challenges.
Unfortunately, the strengths I had as an AuDHDer: my hyperfocus, creativity, pattern recognition, adaptation, resilience, detail-oriented approach, were often overshadowed by my challenges. If the environment I was in had unspoken hyper-specific expectations I couldn’t fulfill in a hyper-specific way, it would be debilitating, and my confidence would be eroded.
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Tips for Living and Working With AuDHD (From Someone Actually Living It)
What happens when we work towards building better environments than that? What can we as AuDHDers do to thrive in a world that always has us in survival-mode?
Exercise (but make it dopamine‑friendly)
We need to rewrite what it even means to exercise. We just need to find a movement that boosts our mood and makes us feel good: walking, dancing, stimming, stretching, climbing, swimming. There is no wrong way!
Mindful Techniques
Traditional meditation methods can be torture for AuDHD brains that refuse to stay quiet, so instead try:
- sensory grounding
- movement‑based mindfulness
- guided audio
- tactile fidgets
- breathwork with visual cues
- Noise‑cancelling headphones.
- Soft clothing.
- Weighted blankets.
- Chewelry.
- Sunglasses indoors if needed.
Again, everything is allowed. Get the old rules of what is “acceptable” out of your head!
Creative Outlets
Art, writing, music, crafting, building, designing, whatever. You need the freedom to express yourself without rules.
Unstructured Routines (with flexibility baked in)
Do one structured routine, then do something unstructured. Go back and forth between these two modes, in a fun way. AuDHD routines need structure and wiggle room. When I started doing this it was life-changing.
Workplace Adjustments
If possible:
- Ask for flexible hours
- Find remote work
- Always get written instructions
- Find quiet spaces
- Use task‑management tools
- Set clear expectations
- Make adjustments as needed
We need to reframe our thinking if we think this is “special treatment.” I’ve started reframing this as “what do I need to be successful?, what gives me freedom of choice and autonomy?, what allows me to be fully myself?” These things are imperative to avoiding burnout.
So after all this, you might be asking: “Wait, am I AuDHD?”
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Autistic and ADHD Traits
If you suspect you might be AuDHD, keep in mind that not every AuDHDer will experience all of these traits, but here are some of the most difficult aspects of AuDHD. If you recognize any of these, there’s a pretty good chance you might be AuDHD.
Executive Dysfunction
Struggles with organization, time management, or completing tasks, often leading to procrastination or feeling overwhelmed.
Stimming
Repetitive movements or behaviors, such as rocking, tapping, or hand-flapping, are often used to self-regulate emotions or sensory input.
Emotional Dysregulation
Difficulty managing emotions, leading to intense mood swings, meltdowns, or emotional burnout.
Forgetfulness
Forgetting appointments, deadlines, or everyday tasks, often despite a genuine desire to remember.
Task Paralysis
Feeling stuck or unable to start tasks, especially if they seem overwhelming or boring.
Conclusion
If you recognise several of these experiences, it may be worth learning more about AuDHD and reflecting on how they show up for you. A formal diagnosis may also be helpful if you want access to specific workplace, education, or support services.
